Marrying With An Age Gap

Telling Family

When my husband and I first started dating, I was nervous to tell my mom about him. There’s a bit of an age gap and I knew she wouldn’t approve. While I know it was ultimately my decision in who I date, I still wanted approval. The last thing I wanted was for my mom to hate who I was dating, and saw myself marrying, for the rest of our lives. But, I told her, and her reaction was exactly as I expected. She did not approve. She gave her opinion on in and said words that to this day still hurt. I also got to hear from my sister that my mom was praying that we would break up.

As time passed on though, she became more accepting of our relationship and feels completely different than when she first found out about us. However, I know she still feels embarrassed when it comes to the age difference between us. She hasn’t told my step-dad his exact age, though I know he can get a guess since he knows my husband had a son prior to us dating.

Marriage

When it came to my husband and I dating, from the beginning we knew that our relationship was going to end up in marriage. Prior to me dating my husband, I had never been in a relationship. In high school I would see other people dating and while I wished someone had asked me on a date, I never wanted to date anyone I went to school with. My views on dating were much different than my peers. While everyone saw dating around as being fun, I didn’t see a point in dating if I couldn’t see myself marrying the person.

While my mom was on board with us dating, when it came to me announcing we were getting married she seemed to be a bit disappointed. She didn’t want me to tell my step-dad. She wanted to be the one to do it. It was like she wanted to “break the news” to him. As if it was a blow to them rather than something I could and should be excited for. But, again over time, it seemed like she warmed up to it. She helped a lot when it came to the wedding plans.

Then as it got closer to the wedding, it was like the embarrassment came back for her. The day before the wedding we went to go set up the decorations at the church. We had some family come into town who had never met my husband. My mom told me she let them know “He’s darker so he looks older than he is.” Which might have been fine, but my husband actually looks younger than he is so I know this was just a way to cover up his actual age. And even then, my Uncle told her, “I’ve been married many times, I am not going to judge who someone loves.”

Choosing Love

My Uncle’s statement leads me to my conclusion on the post. Choose the person you love. Don’t limit yourself because you’re afraid of what your family or friends might think. You are the one that gets to be with them for the rest of your life. If they make you happy, treat you well and you genuinely believe you are meant to be with them. Choose them. Don’t settle for someone because someone thinks an age determines if you should be with them. An age is exactly what it is. A number. A number shouldn’t determine who you are with. The love that you give and that is given to you, is what matters.



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